How to Talk to Your Parents About LPA: A Sensitive Guide

How to Talk to Your Parents About LPA

This might be one of the most important—and most awkward—conversations you'll ever have. Here's how to approach it with sensitivity.

Why This Conversation Matters

Without an LPA:

• You can't access their bank accounts if they become ill
• You can't make healthcare decisions for them
• You may need costly Court of Protection applications
• Their wishes might not be followed
• Family conflict becomes more likely

When to Have This Conversation

Good Times to Bring It Up:

• After a family health scare (not theirs—someone else's)
• When discussing other planning (wills, finances)
• After media coverage of care/capacity issues
• Before a major birthday (70th, 75th, 80th)
• When they're well and it's not urgent

Avoid:

• During a health crisis
• When tensions are high
• At busy family gatherings
• When they're tired or unwell

Starting the Conversation

Approach 1: Make It About You First

"Mum, Dad, I've been sorting out my own LPA. It made me realise how important it is. Have you thought about doing yours?"

Approach 2: Reference Someone Else's Situation

"Did you hear about [neighbour/colleague] who couldn't access her husband's accounts when he had his stroke? It made me think about planning."

Approach 3: Media Hook

"I saw that Martin Lewis segment about LPAs. He says everyone should have one. Have you got yours sorted?"

Approach 4: Direct but Gentle

"I've been thinking about making sure we're all protected as a family. Can we talk about Power of Attorney?"

What to Actually Say

Key Points to Cover:

"This isn't about me taking over—it's about making sure YOUR wishes are followed"

"It only gets used if you can't manage things yourself"

"You stay in control as long as you have capacity"

"It's much easier to do now than later"

"I'd want the same protection for myself"

Listen to Their Concerns:

They might worry about:

• Losing control
• Being seen as incapable
• Children "taking over"
• The cost
• Their own mortality

Acknowledge these concerns genuinely.

Common Objections (and Responses)

"I don't need one—I'm fine"

"That's exactly the right time to do it. You can only make one while you're well. It's like insurance—you set it up hoping you'll never need it."

"You just want my money"

"Actually, an LPA means YOUR wishes are followed. Without one, courts make decisions that might not match what you want."

"I'll do it later"

"The registration takes 8-12 weeks. If something happened suddenly, we'd be stuck. Let's just get it done so we can forget about it."

"It's too expensive"

"It costs from £74 for the service plus £82 registration. Compare that to £371+ for Court of Protection if we leave it too late."

"I don't want to think about it"

"I understand. Neither do I really. But doing it now means we don't have to worry about it again. Twenty minutes online, then it's done."

If They Refuse

Don't:

• Get angry or frustrated
• Issue ultimatums
• Make them feel guilty
• Give up entirely

Do:

• Accept their decision for now
• Leave the door open
• Share helpful information
• Try again another time
• Consider what's driving their reluctance

Getting Siblings Involved

Challenges:

• Different relationships with parents
• Historical family dynamics
• Disagreements about who should be attorney

Suggestions:

• Discuss among siblings first
• Present a united front
• Let the sibling with best relationship lead
• Be flexible about attorney arrangements
• Focus on parents' needs, not sibling feelings

After They Agree

Make It Easy for Them:

• Offer to help with the process
• Handle the paperwork
• Book appointments if needed
• Pay for it as a gift
• Be patient with the process

What They Need to Decide:

• Which type of LPA (ideally both)
• Who to appoint as attorneys
• Any preferences to include
• Certificate provider choice

Reciprocity Matters

If you're asking them to create LPAs, do yours too:

• Shows you take it seriously
• Models the behaviour
• Creates family conversation opportunity
• Demonstrates it's not about control

Help Your Parents Get Started →